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Monday, March 28, 2011
Loneliness.
LONELINESS
A persevering dull ache in your head
Persisting especially in my bed
Singeing, not so briefly,
heavy with an undesirable stench;
Driving, deriving persistently,
sitting like a judge on a bench.
Inhibiting your mind, your soul, your heart.
Hemorrhaging into other parts of your mind
spreading of undesirable illness, part by part.
Birthing an abnormality of a kind;
to images that you sluggishly cart,
to a weight you cannot unbind.
And when you try to fill it
with thoughts and images and sounds,
allowing any little distraction to slip
Still, it does not go away, it abounds.
Always there, like a dog's tick.
A deep devouring black mound.
Oh to remedy this malady
To flush it out totally.
Where is the terminator of this loneliness.
What will rid this ache that was gnawing away in your mindless.
Before Loneliness drives one to madness, to confusion and to suicide.
A harsh dis-ease inside,
from which is hard to hide.
A persevering dull ache in your head
Persisting especially in my bed
Singeing, not so briefly,
heavy with an undesirable stench;
Driving, deriving persistently,
sitting like a judge on a bench.
Inhibiting your mind, your soul, your heart.
Hemorrhaging into other parts of your mind
spreading of undesirable illness, part by part.
Birthing an abnormality of a kind;
to images that you sluggishly cart,
to a weight you cannot unbind.
Loneliness is cold but in its path of destruction its bold
it wrecks you from within
leaving your skin thin
and your spirit marred and in fold
You no longer stand upright
Loneliness freezes you with fright
Your arms always outstretched
Wanting anything even if a wretch
Needing to be with anyone
Looking for a companion
The lonely make mistakes
erroneously taking comfort from fakes.
Later crying out from failure
of recognising the wicked allure.
with thoughts and images and sounds,
allowing any little distraction to slip
Still, it does not go away, it abounds.
Always there, like a dog's tick.
A deep devouring black mound.
Oh to remedy this malady
To flush it out totally.
Where is the terminator of this loneliness.
What will rid this ache that was gnawing away in your mindless.
Before Loneliness drives one to madness, to confusion and to suicide.
A harsh dis-ease inside,
from which is hard to hide.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Modeling
Of all the things to blog about... why did I choose this? I suppose because it irritates me the most. I see loads of young ladies who think they are the next big thing to hit the catwalk. They think they are... no one else does, mind you.
I guess I'm sending out some advice here. Remember the proverb: One man's meat is another man's poison; well bear that in mind next time, you potentials look in the mirror ok. Your mama may think you're beautiful but no one else will have the same opinion. When a hundred people tell you that you're beautiful in a span of 3 months, then, and only then do you qualify to be in the book of the beautiful people. Otherwise, you fall in the category of attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Listen here, ladies and some of you guys too; international models (who have made it big) are not always chosen for their "beauty", sometimes, they are actually chosen for the "unique" looks for example : Alek Walek; and Omahyra Mota; alot of times, designers prefer their models to be rather plain looking. Designers do not want their designs to be upstaged by pretty faces. Other designers look for that "look" that is edgy or even unusual, that would deliver and complement their designs. Just ponder a while on this, please.
Models are not always pretty.
Reality 2: Make up makes them look good as well as good make up artists and hair dressers.
Reality Check 3: Fashion is not about the model and never will be, its about the clothes and the designer who created the clothes. The harsh reality is: The Model is a walking HANGER!! - hence why designers and model agencies insist on them being skinny, so that they can carry off the clothes. Skinny never made anyone look good. Slim is lovely but skinny is plain old disgusting!! Unsexy! and sick... hard to appreciate a walking skeleton. Personally it freaks me out. aaaarrrggghhhhh!
The sad thing is that alot of models walk around thinking they're hot and gorgeous ... sorry dolls but only 10% of the populace think that and they are usually dirty old men, impressionable young teens and insecure people; the rest of us don't buy into your reality.
You don't need a latent talent to be a model, just be stick thin, tall and be able walk on two legs, and you'll probably make it as a catwalk / runway model ... I say probably because there's a load of competition out there for the same few jobs. Too many models and not enough jobs to go round.
Here's another reality check 4: there are many modeling jobs out there other than the few catwalk ones. Yes, there are! if you are willing to do them that is. There's commercial modeling using real people models. This is probably the most lucrative type of modeling and literally anyone can do this. You don't need to be tall, or skinny or 16 . Even your grandmother can be a commercial model. TV ads need real people to advertise their products and that's what they use, real people. Fat people qualify too!!
You can be a promoter, usually models do this or students who need money. Or you can be an usher for events even. Photography model, editorial model, catalogue model, and the list goes on and on and on... you just need a good agent or be a smart cookie and do your research and network well.
Being a model is not easy and does not necessarily guarantee success; if at all. Be prepared to starve or have a second job or a rich boyfriend, whichever is easier for you.
The one thing you shouldn't be is a snob. Don't carry yourself like you're the next "Naomi Campbell" ... be more professional and show some respect for yourself please.
The most successful models got to the top in the first place by being hardworking, devoted, passionate and very professional in the beginning of their careers. The being bitchy bit came later, when they already got fame and fortune. Sad but true. But hey, they only got that way when they attained fame not before! Don't get it the wrong way round.
One of the nicest and very professional models I have met in the Far East was Amber Chia... her attitude was good and professional and she showed respect unlike the other nobodies who modeled in the same event. And I will never forget her for her professionalism. The others I can't even remember their faces let alone their names but not Amber Chia. Hence, I will mention her name as an example. Now that's fame. She's one smart cookie.
I don't want to put models down, I just want to wake some of them up ... nudge them into the real world ... and some of them behave like real bimbos, its sad. All an organisor ever asks is for you to remember details and be on time and do your job, its not much to ask is it?. Behaving like a prima donna does not endear you to a show organisor and thus guarantees that you wont work with them again; can you afford to do that?
Remember you may have earned a few hundred dollars doing one show but he/she has earned a few thousand... feel humbled a bit huh? You do one show, he/she does dozens... now do you feel humbled? Good organisers have the ear of the client, you dont! are you awake yet?
Organisers have a profession that can last years, it does not matter if they gain weight or get old, but a model has a short life span, for the same reasons: age and weight... sigh... am I hitting home yet?
Look, all I'm saying is that you need to know and do your work well, and listen to people in the know, humble yourself a little, learn and see how far you go.
Also, you will need alternatives in life, you cant model forever, it won't feed you. You need other skills, go out there and learn another skill - that's your backup.
I will write more soon and hopefully, you have heard me.
Has reality sunk in yet??
I guess I'm sending out some advice here. Remember the proverb: One man's meat is another man's poison; well bear that in mind next time, you potentials look in the mirror ok. Your mama may think you're beautiful but no one else will have the same opinion. When a hundred people tell you that you're beautiful in a span of 3 months, then, and only then do you qualify to be in the book of the beautiful people. Otherwise, you fall in the category of attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Listen here, ladies and some of you guys too; international models (who have made it big) are not always chosen for their "beauty", sometimes, they are actually chosen for the "unique" looks for example : Alek Walek; and Omahyra Mota; alot of times, designers prefer their models to be rather plain looking. Designers do not want their designs to be upstaged by pretty faces. Other designers look for that "look" that is edgy or even unusual, that would deliver and complement their designs. Just ponder a while on this, please.
Models are not always pretty.
Reality 2: Make up makes them look good as well as good make up artists and hair dressers.
Reality Check 3: Fashion is not about the model and never will be, its about the clothes and the designer who created the clothes. The harsh reality is: The Model is a walking HANGER!! - hence why designers and model agencies insist on them being skinny, so that they can carry off the clothes. Skinny never made anyone look good. Slim is lovely but skinny is plain old disgusting!! Unsexy! and sick... hard to appreciate a walking skeleton. Personally it freaks me out. aaaarrrggghhhhh!
The sad thing is that alot of models walk around thinking they're hot and gorgeous ... sorry dolls but only 10% of the populace think that and they are usually dirty old men, impressionable young teens and insecure people; the rest of us don't buy into your reality.
You don't need a latent talent to be a model, just be stick thin, tall and be able walk on two legs, and you'll probably make it as a catwalk / runway model ... I say probably because there's a load of competition out there for the same few jobs. Too many models and not enough jobs to go round.
Here's another reality check 4: there are many modeling jobs out there other than the few catwalk ones. Yes, there are! if you are willing to do them that is. There's commercial modeling using real people models. This is probably the most lucrative type of modeling and literally anyone can do this. You don't need to be tall, or skinny or 16 . Even your grandmother can be a commercial model. TV ads need real people to advertise their products and that's what they use, real people. Fat people qualify too!!
You can be a promoter, usually models do this or students who need money. Or you can be an usher for events even. Photography model, editorial model, catalogue model, and the list goes on and on and on... you just need a good agent or be a smart cookie and do your research and network well.
Being a model is not easy and does not necessarily guarantee success; if at all. Be prepared to starve or have a second job or a rich boyfriend, whichever is easier for you.
The one thing you shouldn't be is a snob. Don't carry yourself like you're the next "Naomi Campbell" ... be more professional and show some respect for yourself please.
The most successful models got to the top in the first place by being hardworking, devoted, passionate and very professional in the beginning of their careers. The being bitchy bit came later, when they already got fame and fortune. Sad but true. But hey, they only got that way when they attained fame not before! Don't get it the wrong way round.
One of the nicest and very professional models I have met in the Far East was Amber Chia... her attitude was good and professional and she showed respect unlike the other nobodies who modeled in the same event. And I will never forget her for her professionalism. The others I can't even remember their faces let alone their names but not Amber Chia. Hence, I will mention her name as an example. Now that's fame. She's one smart cookie.
I don't want to put models down, I just want to wake some of them up ... nudge them into the real world ... and some of them behave like real bimbos, its sad. All an organisor ever asks is for you to remember details and be on time and do your job, its not much to ask is it?. Behaving like a prima donna does not endear you to a show organisor and thus guarantees that you wont work with them again; can you afford to do that?
Remember you may have earned a few hundred dollars doing one show but he/she has earned a few thousand... feel humbled a bit huh? You do one show, he/she does dozens... now do you feel humbled? Good organisers have the ear of the client, you dont! are you awake yet?
Organisers have a profession that can last years, it does not matter if they gain weight or get old, but a model has a short life span, for the same reasons: age and weight... sigh... am I hitting home yet?
Look, all I'm saying is that you need to know and do your work well, and listen to people in the know, humble yourself a little, learn and see how far you go.
Also, you will need alternatives in life, you cant model forever, it won't feed you. You need other skills, go out there and learn another skill - that's your backup.
I will write more soon and hopefully, you have heard me.
Has reality sunk in yet??
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Age is Random
2am in the morning and what do you think about? What happened today, this week, this month??? Or just some silly things just randomly run through your mind. YOu can't predict or manage what you want to think about sometimes. It sort of happens.
Some random thoughts come to my mind tonight, at 2am. For instance, my age, it's never been an issue till now. As you get older, you come to terms, for instance, with the fact that you can now come up with your own sayings and obscure wisttisms (hmmm... is that spelt right). I am serious; when I was younger I wondered how my teachers and old uncles came up with such clever sayings, and I couldn't. Well, I've gotten to their age now and I have figured out how come they're so clever. It's called experience, that's what makes you come up with these wonderful sayings.
When you get to that half century mark, you go into a panic mode, naturally, it's a big number for anyone. You start to realise that you're getting older. But worst of all, is that you start checking out your friends, wondering who looks older, you or one of them. That's when you get on the likes of Facebook and all those wonderful social networking sites and start looking for old school and work friends. You deligently search them out just to see if they have posted any photos. Has 'the tart from 5B' put on weight at last and what was that handsome joe who used to sit behind me, what was he called, dang, wonder if he greyed well ... ooo what if he has paunch now ... yuk!!
You know, I'm so guilty of being an addict to the likes of FB, its almost embarrassing. FB promotes schizophrenia. You start talking in your head; words form in your head as if you're having a real conversation, while your fingers type. You make the expressions too in your mono conversation, in your head. You imagine how the person/s you're communicating with is saying whatever they wrote.
Schizo I tell you.
FB is like a hallucinogen; you know you shouldn't do it so much but one more hit, a teeny one won't hurt. And if anyone comes into the office and finds you've got FB, you guiltily hide it away, quick as a flash. I've seen bosses get on FB in the middle of a work day.
It's also bad for the economy. You don't need to go out on Saturday nights anymore, don't need to spend oudles at the pub, club or restaurants any more, just get your drink next to you, and FB away, listen to music and chatter to your heart's delight.
Internet is not the new highway, it's the new cafeteria, better still, it's the new hangout joint.
Woo hoot!!
Listen, if you're not on the net nowadays, you're a nobody. You're not only behind time, you're prehistoric and a lonely one at that.
If you can't find yourself on a search engine, then where are you???
What would you do if you're bored and can't get on the net, FB and the like? I guess you will have to fight boredom another way. How about : FIGHT BOREDOM - MAKE FACES AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR
Talking about age; I said this is a random note, didn't I. Anyway, when I reached the big 50, I finally learnt the true impact gravity has on the human body. I learn by experiencing. Gravity is real people, I have a bruised bottom and can't see my feet anymore.
When you get to this mid life thing, you begin to see mild inconveniences start to occur, this is the sign that you're headed to "old age"; your mind and body are no longer harmonised and in synchrony. Your mind tells you that you can and want to do something and your body doesn't even bother rebelling let alone produce any action.
When I younger, gosh, I never thought I would ever hear myself say those words. The very sound of that sense used to irritate me when I was younger. sigh. When I was younger. You also start to repeat yourself and that's irritating too. Anyway, when I was younger, I wondered what the world would be like in the 21st century. I yearned to see it. Being an avid sci-fi fan and a trekkie, I half expected humans to have visited Mars in the year 2010 and discovered molecular transportation (beam me up scottie)... Now that I am here, and seen it all, can I go back ... it's not that fabulous afterall. No Aliens, no robots in the home, no flying cars... lots of fast food though.
Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I like to believe that I am growing old gracefully. I dress right for my age. I look the part. But good golly miss molly, inside, I am just the same old young hooligan, rock chick, longing to go out and party and dance the night away till the early hours. It's the mind again, it just will not age gracefully. Thankfully, the body plods along on its own and refuses to give to the mind.
Sigh... so here I am facing age all alone. It's fine really. It's fine.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Scientific Fact about men.
Scientific Fact:
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
And just before she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a baseball bat shoved up his ass.
- I found this hysterically funny.... I wonder if there is one similar for men or is it that they just prefer women anytime.....
It's mostly sexual with men, except when they want to be pampered eh.... not many men out there who just want to be friends... there is always an ulterior motive.
Here is a wise comment from her mommy to her young son:
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she repliedTuesday, December 23, 2008
DEATH
Antonia, sat on her bed, with her book open, she wasn't reading the words in front of her. The words just floated around the page, and collided with each other, randomly, making horrendous noises in her head. "Stupid girl!", "Donkey!!", "Dirty!!", "Nobody Loves YOU!", "Stupid! stupid!" "now what you going to do " "hate"....... horrid words hissing and spitting at her.
She wanted to stop thinking, it was hurting ... she felt such pain. Butterflies wouldn't stop flapping their frantic wings in her stomach. Oh, it hurt. She hurt.
Her eyes stung, more pain than she cared for; she didn't want pain. Laughter is what she wanted.
"I want to laugh!" she screamed silently and that hurt too! Desperation steamed out of her every pore!
Her pain was hard to bear; too much for a 10 year old. Where does she go from her, what does she do with it, with all this pain she felt. She certainly couldn't tell mother or father, for they were part of the cause, and she certainly couldn't tell her brother or sister, for they were too young to understand and she did not want to upset them.
She felt so alone. The tears did not flow as they should have done. Of course, she wanted to cry but the tears just wont come. So dry, alone, by herself, in this bed of pain. Her mind hurt so much, she was thinking but nothing made sense at all. Antonio was so confused by her muddled thoughts, so many sentences that made her sick were in her head, banging away, furiously.
The nasty man made her feel helpless, stupid and dirty, she remembered that too well, but she couldn't understand why?? Why do men want to do that to her. Did she ask for it? Antonio knew that she should have screamed or shouted or something but she couldn't understand herself and why she just let him do it. She hated herself, yes, she did, no she didn't, no, she is just hurt and upset that's all.
Maybe it isn't so bad, maybe she will never see him again, maybe he will go away, somewhere so far far far away, she wont need to look at him again, ever! But that's not going to happen and she knew it. Goose pimples rose on her skin, she shivered. I don't like him! she shouted in her mind... so loud that her eyes winced. I want my mummy, she cried in desperation but no one heard her whimper! Antonia sat looking at her book, still silent and still in pain.
'Mummy.....', the word lay stuck in her throat. No one heard her. She was alone. Very Alone.
The pain stabbed repeated at the little slim girl, with breasts hardly formed, and a face that is etched with sadness of the life that she is living. Another incident of pain with no sight of peace ahead of her, little did she know, there was more of the same to come to her. The future is already written already for the wretched girl. The ten short years she's lived have been branded like a sheep, her life has been soiled, and thus she will live her life, nothing different to look forward to anymore. Normal is not for her. It's too late now for that child, Antonia, and she doesn't even realise it.
Her eyes dry, her mouth dry, her body trembling, her mind a muddle, she sat there for a long time, confused and sodden.
Antonio just kept repeating over and over : "mummy....." to the world that did not hear, her mother never heard her.
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